Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if it went exactly as planned. Just a few years ago it was obvious that I was going to graduate from college, find a job that I loved and was secure in, become more secure in myself, find my prince charming, get married, and then perhaps after a long honeymoon stage, have children. If my life had went according to that plan, I would hopefully be somewhere between the find prince charming stage, and the honeymoon sage.
Now looking back at that plan, it's quite hilarious. I graduated college, got a job I hated, got knocked up, became a nanny, became a 'step-mom', became a mother, got a job that I am semi-secure in but have absolutely no prospect of advancement in, and went crazy. Notice how the whole 'get married' part was somehow lost in translation? And now there are things happening in my life that are going to alter the whole plan even more!
But you know what. Even though life didn't happen like I planned, I am so truly blessed. I have found out a lot about myself in these last few years. I met the love of my life, and although we aren't married, and I don't know when that is going to happen, I know that we ARE going to make it. I have a bonus child who is such a sweet and caring girl, and who I hope my own daughter grows up to be like. And best of all, I have a beautiful, sweet, caring, hilarious, spunky, silly and independent almost-two year old daughter, who is the light of my life and I couldn't imagine life without.
It hard to even think about what my life would be like right now if she hadn't been brought into the world. And when I think about what it would have been like, it makes me sad. Yes, I wouldn't have had sleepless nights, and months of a colicky baby girl pulling on my boobs. I wouldn't have permanent dark circles around my eyes from lack of sleep and sanity. My body perhaps wouldn't be as stretched and saggy. But I wouldn't have all the joy and love and happiness that being a mommy brings. I would never had learned what it feels like to rock a baby to sleep. I wouldn't know how amazing an open-mouth kiss is from your one year old. I wouldn't know how proud it feels to see your child take their first steps. It is the hardest, yet most rewarding thing that ANYONE will ever do in their lives...and I recommend it to everyone :)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Trick or Treat (at a glance!)
Here are a few pics from Halloween!
Emma as a PINK MONSTER!
Emma as a PINK MONSTER!
My sister Anna, and Hannah as Rosalie and Alice Cullen
My cousins (Caleb - Rockstar, Nate - Vampire) and Emma Rose!
Anna, Mom, Aunt Bobbie, Hannah, Caleb, Emma and Nate!
Emma loving my Aunt Bobbi :)
Friday, October 30, 2009
"Parenting" a 12-year-old at 26.
Sometimes it's strange to be a 'parent' to a 12 year old. Especially when you are only 26. I was 14 when Hannah was born. FOURTEEN. Thats nothing. I was right out of 8th grade when Matt was welcoming his first born into the world. My biggest worries were if my mom would start letting me wear makeup in High School, and when Mariah Carey would come out with her next album.
My brother Jake and I are 11 years apart. Which is only 3 years different from the age difference between Hannah and I. Technically Hannah could be my sister. And if she was my sister, I could act more like I act when I'm around my siblings with her, but I can't because she is not my sister - she is my step-child - and apparently its not acceptable to punch your children when they are acting like idiots. (which I so do with my brother).
So, needless to say, being a parent-figure to a 12 year old is sometimes very difficult for me. I love Hannah like she is my own child, but technically she couldn't even be my own child, so I think my brain is having a hard time distinguishing the difference between her and my 15 year old brother. :)
For example: Since becoming a mother, I've developed a new habit: Cleaning. I guess its a good idea to maintain a sanitary and tidy environment for your children to avoid germs, tripping hazards, and laziness. Well, this new habit has been a long time in the running. I was the girl who used to let my dog lick off my plates and sleep in my bed. I only did laundry if absolutely necessary and thought it perfectly acceptable to throw all colors of clothing in the same load. Who cares if they were ruined? Perfect excuse to go shopping, right? So, back to the story. Every single day, while I'm 'enjoying' my cleaning, it seems that I find nasty, smelly, sweaty, balled-up, pink-toed socks on the living room floor. SERIOUSLY. I'm not even exaggerating. And time after time I have requested that the socks be picked up, and they eventually are. But they always end up back in the same spot the next day. It's seriously enough to make me go mad. I'm not even kidding. And these are the times that I have to try my hardest to remember, that Hannah, who is only 3 years younger than my brother, is not my sibling, and its not ok to go right over to her and punch her in the arm as hard as I possible can and yell, "GOD DAMMIT PICK UP THOSE NASTY SOCKS".
Haha...It sounds really funny right now, but its not. And its hard. And I'm doing my best. Hannah is such a sweet, smart, caring and all around great kid. I hope I don't mess her up too much.
My brother Jake and I are 11 years apart. Which is only 3 years different from the age difference between Hannah and I. Technically Hannah could be my sister. And if she was my sister, I could act more like I act when I'm around my siblings with her, but I can't because she is not my sister - she is my step-child - and apparently its not acceptable to punch your children when they are acting like idiots. (which I so do with my brother).
So, needless to say, being a parent-figure to a 12 year old is sometimes very difficult for me. I love Hannah like she is my own child, but technically she couldn't even be my own child, so I think my brain is having a hard time distinguishing the difference between her and my 15 year old brother. :)
For example: Since becoming a mother, I've developed a new habit: Cleaning. I guess its a good idea to maintain a sanitary and tidy environment for your children to avoid germs, tripping hazards, and laziness. Well, this new habit has been a long time in the running. I was the girl who used to let my dog lick off my plates and sleep in my bed. I only did laundry if absolutely necessary and thought it perfectly acceptable to throw all colors of clothing in the same load. Who cares if they were ruined? Perfect excuse to go shopping, right? So, back to the story. Every single day, while I'm 'enjoying' my cleaning, it seems that I find nasty, smelly, sweaty, balled-up, pink-toed socks on the living room floor. SERIOUSLY. I'm not even exaggerating. And time after time I have requested that the socks be picked up, and they eventually are. But they always end up back in the same spot the next day. It's seriously enough to make me go mad. I'm not even kidding. And these are the times that I have to try my hardest to remember, that Hannah, who is only 3 years younger than my brother, is not my sibling, and its not ok to go right over to her and punch her in the arm as hard as I possible can and yell, "GOD DAMMIT PICK UP THOSE NASTY SOCKS".
Haha...It sounds really funny right now, but its not. And its hard. And I'm doing my best. Hannah is such a sweet, smart, caring and all around great kid. I hope I don't mess her up too much.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Terrific Tuesday :)
It's Tuesday. A terrific Tuesday actually. Matt and I had a really great conversation about certain things that are definitely going to change our lives. And I can't wait. I also can't tell...but you will find out. Hopefully sooner than later.
Emma was the funniest little thing last night. Matt said that when he picked her up from his mom's. She was running around the house, screaming "running, running, running." Our little ball of energy and spunk. When Matt brought her home, she was the same way. Crazy, funny, and smiley. It's hard to believe that she was our colicky, crying, baby.
I'm so glad all of that is over. I love Miss Emma Rose so much, and its hard to believe that she is the same baby that would cry for hours on end, that I would have to rock/bounce to sleep every day, that would only accept being put down if it was in her swing, and that was just sometimes. Poor sweet girl.
She is now a full blown toddler. Mastering more and more phrases each day. When we 'read' books, I will ask her where the tree, or the flower, or the moon is, and she will reply "right there". She also asks questions such as, "Where dadya go?" or "Scoutie, I dunno?". She is becoming very particular with what she likes to wear. Most days we must have "tiiiights", and "bows" (for her hair), and she is choosy about what shoes she wears, as well as her coat. She is independent, which is great, most of the time. And she knows what she likes. Which I admire...most of the time. The only problem is when her independence and preferences go against what Momma or Dadya know whats best. :)
Being a mom is the best. I love it. I can't wait for more :)
Emma was the funniest little thing last night. Matt said that when he picked her up from his mom's. She was running around the house, screaming "running, running, running." Our little ball of energy and spunk. When Matt brought her home, she was the same way. Crazy, funny, and smiley. It's hard to believe that she was our colicky, crying, baby.
I'm so glad all of that is over. I love Miss Emma Rose so much, and its hard to believe that she is the same baby that would cry for hours on end, that I would have to rock/bounce to sleep every day, that would only accept being put down if it was in her swing, and that was just sometimes. Poor sweet girl.
She is now a full blown toddler. Mastering more and more phrases each day. When we 'read' books, I will ask her where the tree, or the flower, or the moon is, and she will reply "right there". She also asks questions such as, "Where dadya go?" or "Scoutie, I dunno?". She is becoming very particular with what she likes to wear. Most days we must have "tiiiights", and "bows" (for her hair), and she is choosy about what shoes she wears, as well as her coat. She is independent, which is great, most of the time. And she knows what she likes. Which I admire...most of the time. The only problem is when her independence and preferences go against what Momma or Dadya know whats best. :)
Being a mom is the best. I love it. I can't wait for more :)
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday Musings.
So its Monday. Yes, it is Monday again. I wish it was Friday, but I guess I shouldn't be wishing away 5/7th's of my life. I'm so excited for Halloween with the kids this weekend. Hannah and Emma each have the CUTEST costumes.
Emma is a PINK MONSTER:
and Hannah is ROSALIE from TWILIGHT:
This year we are going on the annual Halloween Parade through Matt's sisters neighborhood. It is the best place to go trick or treating. Middle-class neighborhood with LOTS and LOTS of kids! Our crew is usually quite the group. This year its our family (Matt and I, Emma the monster and Hannah the vampiress), Matt's mom, brother in law and 4 kids (Grace - Hannah Montana, Quinn - "Dude", Claire and Tessa - Ladybugs), my mom,my aunt and her 2 kids (Nate - still uncertain at this point, and Caleb - "Rock Star"). It should be a good time, and I can't wait for Hannah's 'haul'. (There's a reason to put the candy on top of the fridge and only allow 2 pieces/day - and the reason is MOM AND DAD's enjoyment of the holiday as well. Matt and I like to pick all of the good stuff out first!)
Speaking of candy. I seriously need to lay off. Fat is not hot, and I'm getting there. My 'fat pants' are even getting too tight. I don't know if my body is trying to 'store up for winter', or I'm just that big of a pig, but I seriously CAN'T STOP EATING.
Wait...maybe my pants are shrinking and my scale is a LIAR!!!!!!
I'm going to blame the media on this one. Seriously. Is it really necessary to have 3 Culver's commercials per every episode of "enter favorite show here". Shouldn't they know that American's are weak, and advertisements like this are going to make more and more of us end up so fat that we can't even get out of our beds...seriously. I need to stop, or this could be me. I need to exercise. And I need to start eating healthy. ( and I hate exercise, and I hate eating healthy).
Wow. Halloween, could not come at a WORSE time this year. Wonderful. :)
Emma is a PINK MONSTER:
and Hannah is ROSALIE from TWILIGHT:
This year we are going on the annual Halloween Parade through Matt's sisters neighborhood. It is the best place to go trick or treating. Middle-class neighborhood with LOTS and LOTS of kids! Our crew is usually quite the group. This year its our family (Matt and I, Emma the monster and Hannah the vampiress), Matt's mom, brother in law and 4 kids (Grace - Hannah Montana, Quinn - "Dude", Claire and Tessa - Ladybugs), my mom,my aunt and her 2 kids (Nate - still uncertain at this point, and Caleb - "Rock Star"). It should be a good time, and I can't wait for Hannah's 'haul'. (There's a reason to put the candy on top of the fridge and only allow 2 pieces/day - and the reason is MOM AND DAD's enjoyment of the holiday as well. Matt and I like to pick all of the good stuff out first!)
Speaking of candy. I seriously need to lay off. Fat is not hot, and I'm getting there. My 'fat pants' are even getting too tight. I don't know if my body is trying to 'store up for winter', or I'm just that big of a pig, but I seriously CAN'T STOP EATING.
Wait...maybe my pants are shrinking and my scale is a LIAR!!!!!!
I'm going to blame the media on this one. Seriously. Is it really necessary to have 3 Culver's commercials per every episode of "enter favorite show here". Shouldn't they know that American's are weak, and advertisements like this are going to make more and more of us end up so fat that we can't even get out of our beds...seriously. I need to stop, or this could be me. I need to exercise. And I need to start eating healthy. ( and I hate exercise, and I hate eating healthy).
Wow. Halloween, could not come at a WORSE time this year. Wonderful. :)
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Tantrums, baseball, and summertime.
Tantrums... yes. Our daughter who is not even 2 yet, is the master of the tantrum. This just started a few weeks ago, and she has been having up to 4 a day. She screams at the top of her lungs, arches her back, head dives backwards onto the floor, rolls around, cries, yells. Sometimes they are pretty entertaining. I guess the best method to stop these tantrums is the 'ignore it' method, but to me it seems like she is getting more worked up when we don't acknowledge her. I guess this is just the first step :)
On another note, Hannah started swimming on the Monona Swim and Dive team. She has already had 2 weeks of swimming after school from 5-630 and so far we think she really likes it. Its every day all summer for 1.5 hours, and then meets are on the weekends!
Matt is finally done with baseball and with that I hope that normality can return in our house? Now what I am most worried about is when school is out. It's going to be great to have him home all the time, but I'm worried that he is going to go crazy. I'm also kind of worried that there will be too much TV watching and not enough outside time. I'm ALSO worried that he will start to resent me and the kids from being home too much. I suggested that he take one day a week to himself and send Emma to daycare still, but he didn't like that idea. We will see how it goes. I am really lucky to be with a teacher who can stay home in the summer, but I just hope he doesn't go crazy with the kids all the time. And I hope I don't expect too much.
Well I guess thats all for today. I need to write in here more often, but I forget! Plus, some things just seem insignificant, but I should remember that this is a way to document the girls growing up!
On another note, Hannah started swimming on the Monona Swim and Dive team. She has already had 2 weeks of swimming after school from 5-630 and so far we think she really likes it. Its every day all summer for 1.5 hours, and then meets are on the weekends!
Matt is finally done with baseball and with that I hope that normality can return in our house? Now what I am most worried about is when school is out. It's going to be great to have him home all the time, but I'm worried that he is going to go crazy. I'm also kind of worried that there will be too much TV watching and not enough outside time. I'm ALSO worried that he will start to resent me and the kids from being home too much. I suggested that he take one day a week to himself and send Emma to daycare still, but he didn't like that idea. We will see how it goes. I am really lucky to be with a teacher who can stay home in the summer, but I just hope he doesn't go crazy with the kids all the time. And I hope I don't expect too much.
Well I guess thats all for today. I need to write in here more often, but I forget! Plus, some things just seem insignificant, but I should remember that this is a way to document the girls growing up!
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