What happens while you're making plans...

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if it went exactly as planned.  Just a few years ago it was obvious that I was going to graduate from college, find a job that I loved and was secure in, become more secure in myself, find my prince charming, get married, and then perhaps after a long honeymoon stage, have children.  If my life had went according to that plan, I would hopefully be somewhere between the find prince charming stage, and the honeymoon sage. 

Now looking back at that plan, it's quite hilarious.  I graduated college, got a job I hated, got knocked up, became a nanny, became a 'step-mom', became a mother, got a job that I am semi-secure in but have absolutely no prospect of advancement in, and went crazy.  Notice how the whole 'get married' part was somehow lost in translation?  And now there are things happening in my life that are going to alter the whole plan even more!

But you know what.  Even though life didn't happen like I planned, I am so truly blessed.  I have found out a lot about myself in these last few years.  I met the love of my life, and although we aren't married, and I don't know when that is going to happen, I know that we ARE going to make it.  I have a bonus child who is such a sweet and caring girl, and who I hope my own daughter grows up to be like.  And best of all, I have a beautiful, sweet, caring, hilarious, spunky, silly and independent almost-two year old daughter, who is the light of my life and I couldn't imagine life without.

It hard to even think about what my life would be like right now if she hadn't been brought into the world.  And when I think about what it would have been like, it makes me sad.  Yes, I wouldn't have had sleepless nights, and months of a colicky baby girl pulling on my boobs.  I wouldn't have permanent dark circles around my eyes from lack of sleep and sanity.  My body perhaps wouldn't be as stretched and saggy.  But I wouldn't have all the joy and love and happiness that being a mommy brings.  I would never had learned what it feels like to rock a baby to sleep.  I wouldn't know how amazing an open-mouth kiss is from your one year old.  I wouldn't know how proud it feels to see your child take their first steps.  It is the hardest, yet most rewarding thing that ANYONE will ever do in their lives...and I recommend it to everyone :)